Sunday, January 1, 2012

Reflections of 2011

I started realizing something was wrong last year at this time.

I received a random text from my husband on New Year's Eve last year that said "pills."  I realize now he must've been texting a dealer, but didn't realize that at the time.  He said it was an "auto correct" mistake.  I knew it was fishy, but I hadn't connected the dots yet.

When I look back, I wonder if I should've connected them sooner.  I knew money was disappearing, but he always had an excuse.  "I had to buy tools for work.  Money fell out of my pocket.  I loaned some money to so-and-so because he needed to buy groceries for his family."  I just thought he was incredibly scattered and irresponsible.  Turns out, he's a damn good liar.  Or I'm an idiot.   Or maybe a little bit of both.

I just really did not realize someone you love, trust, and rely on would lie like that.  Bad people should come with a sign on their forehead.  I guess I shouldn't say "bad people."  Perhaps good people do bad things.  Well, actually I don't believe in "good people."  I believe in people.  No one is all good or all bad.  We are sinful and selfish.  It is only by the grace of God that we can potentially overcome that.  Sometimes our nature rears it's ugly head.  Some of us more than others.  But we are all depraved.

I thought someone into something like drug abuse would look a certain way.  Poor hygiene or sagging pants or something.  Not a middle class guy you met at church.  A guy from a good family.  A guy you married.  A guy I married.

We are all depraved.