So I bought this round black pedestal kitchen table a few years ago. I had an eye on it for a while and it finally went on sale, so I bought it. I figured I'd eventually find some chairs to go along with it. I had just repainted and reupholstered some stools and didn't think it would be difficult to find chairs to coordinate with that table.
While I've found many potential chairs, I refuse to pay $100 for a chair. That just seems unnecessary. So, here I am, four years later, with a wonderful table, but no chairs. I got some money for Christmas and started looking to see if I could find some chairs. I've looked at stores online and craigslist, but tonight I went to a few stores when I went out to grab dinner.
I went through Pier 1, but again, I refuse to pay $100 for a chair. After that I checked out Bed, Bath, & Beyond, but they didn't have much in the way of black wooden chairs. My last stop in that shopping center was World Market. I was introduced to that store about a year ago when my sister-in-law asked me to pick something up for her. I always thought it was like a weird food store for all the international students at the local university. I fell in love immediately on my first trip with the many fun (and reasonably priced) embellishments for the home. I'm just entering that stage in my life where I think about decorating a home. In college I went for function. I'm still there in a way. I don't like to spend money on stuff that's not useful. I hardly like to spend money on stuff that is useful.
The store was pretty empty tonight. I headed over to the kitchen section to see what was available. "Yellow" by Coldplay was on in the background. I've always liked their sound. It's so calm, yet rich. Chris Martin is great for harmonizing with, too. I started humming along and began to realize how sad I was. I felt so alone in that great big store. I was looking for chairs that had no one to sit in. For a table that wouldn't share family meals for a very long time, if ever.
I miss my husband.
I hardly feel married.
I feel alone.
I know I'm not alone. I know that God is always with me. I know that He is my strength, comforter, provider, and friend. But I still feel alone.